Church of God LifeBuilders

If I could only have men do two things in addition to the worship service, it would be to read the Bible for themselves and be in a small group with other men. Over the years, these are the two most effective disciplines or habits for men’s discipleship and spiritual transformation.

Here’s a good illustration to drive home small groups. In 2005 Consumer Reports magazine compared the results from five popular diets. The hands-down winner was Weight Watchers.

Why? All the diets work, but success relies on sticking to the plan. And why did Weight Watchers stick with the plan? Weight Watchers uses a weekly meeting to reinforce their program. After a year, its followers were far more likely to stick with the plan.

Encourage your men to form or join small groups. In the best cases, you might build to 80% of your men in small groups. A solid effort might be 50% of your men.

Group size can vary, but I suggest not less than four. Once you get over about eight, air time starts to become scarce.

Don’t let men self-select themselves as small group leaders. Do have a training process so they know how to handle different situations (e.g., a man who wants to fix everyone or a man who talks too much). Don’t recruit teachers to be leaders. Instead, recruit shepherds who want to take care of a flock.

Don’t micromanage your small groups. Men don’t like to be micromanaged.

Yours for changed lives,

What if, after that first experience, I invited you again next month? You’d surely come.

But if I invited you month after month, by the fifth or tenth or twenty-fifth time you would be thinking of the long flight to Nepal and the football game you would miss on TV.

If climbing Mt. Everest can get old, imagine what will happen with the ministries or programs of your church.

Don’t ever let men believe that it’s about the activity or program. Sometimes we are hurt by our own success — a great annual BBQ, a killer weekly Bible study, or a great annual event. If guys begin to think it’s about the activity then they will ultimately get bored. It may take a year or two or five, but ultimately programs for the sake of programs always fail.

These are great tools God has given you for ministry: don’t waste them. Make sure that your activities are always cast in terms of the larger process and vision your church has for men. What will we accomplish together as men in our community and world by being a part of this study for the next 24 weeks? Celebrate tangible changed lives and demonstrate how things are different because of what your men are doing.

Keep the vision in front of them so they are thinking about the process of becoming a disciple and helping other men, not the short-term excitement of an inspirational program.

With you in the battle for men’s souls,

Christians believe the Bible is the infallible, inerrant Word of God. We believe every word is inspired by the Holy Spirit. We believe the Bible is truth. We build our lives around it. That doesn’t mean we understand everything in it, or that we are correct about what we do understand. But that is not a reflection on God; it is a reflection of our own fallibility.

So how would you explain what Jesus said in Matthew 5:30–"If your right hand causes you to sin, cut if off and throw it away"?

If I had a do over, I would say, "No, you don’t need to cut off your hand. Christians believe that the Bible is literally true according to its literary genre. In this case Jesus is using hyperbole. All of us use hyperbole to make our points. "He is the greatest quarterback who ever played the game." Hyperbole is simply overstating the case to make a point–in this case, better for your hand to perish than your soul.

Today I would say: keep your hand. You’re going to need it for all the good things you will do for him once you believe.

Yours for changed lives,

In the Bible, to bless means "to endue with power for success, prosperity, fertility, longevity, etc." Jacob cheated his older brother Esau out of his father’s blessing. Their father, Isaac, according to the custom of that time had to tell Esau that he had already given Esau’s blessing to Jacob.

The Bible says, "When Esau heard his father’s words, he burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said to his father, Bless me—me too, my father!’" (Genesis 27:34). Whether you speak to men in their roles as dads or as sons, a father’s blessing or approval is crucial to his well being.

The spoken words are important. My dad never told me he was proud of me. I sensed he was, but he never said it. I worked for his approval. When I was 47, I wrote on his birthday card, "Dad, I hope you’re proud of me."

Without looking up from the card, he said, "Well, you know I am." That was it. That’s all I ever got—before or after. But it was amazing. It was his approval—his blessing, and it has made all the difference in my life.

You can’t just tell men to "get over it." Instead, help them grieve the loss. Show them how God, their adoptive Father, does approve and bless them. In some cases, you may be able to act as a "surrogate" father and give your men "a" blessing, even though it’s not "the" blessing. I have done this with younger men who looked to me as a father figure. (See an example of how I did this in The Young Man in the Mirror, Chapter 4, "a man’s identity," pps. 27-29).

On the other hand, tell your men "don’t be a victim"—but be gentle. To not receive a father’s blessing by no means has to "define" a man—especially a follower of Jesus.

Yours for changed lives,